“Day Eight-hundred-seventy-one, Haven’t had fresh water for several minutes. Tower stinks of old cheese. Among the usual piles of loot and debris are several naked vampire chicks. Whatever’s going on here, it’s definitely evil- only heroes kill vampires.”
Lordy hit replay on his tape recorder once again. Echoes and re-echoes wailed through the cavernous tower walls, each time the diaretic serenade grew gradually shorter and shorter. Lordy had been trying to loop “naked vampire chicks” indefinitely.
Difficult as his task was, all of the commotion was clearly making Lordy hungry. Thankfully, his current adventure had come to a standstill once he had arrived at the tower’s kitchen.
Lordy darted for his sword in rage, when suddenly!
Ever swift- Lordy was now racing towards his sword- his grip faltered, slid, clasping, grasping nothing but the air- sword just out of reach, he bent slightly, missing a flurry of claws aimed where his head would have been. Now was his chance, counterattack! Sword in hand, Lordy-
Had no sword.
Lordy wailed in pain! A rage consumed him- he grabbed that vampire’s head and smashed it into the kitchen sink- Onomatopoeic utterances flooded the room, for the scope of his rage was so, that the sound of metal against bone was made physical.
The tap was turned.
Freezing cold water would have encroached the hapless vampire had Lordy got his lore right, rather, a shriek of discomfort was met with Lordy’s own realization.
Another slash across his face, Lordy was at his end now- a nearby ladle and several hours later- all that was left was a bloody pulp.
Lordy swung his head into the air
WOODEN LADLE OF VAMPIRE SLAYING
Lordy continued through the (Evil) Tower